Carmen Miranda Rites
(at least partially to the tune of the "Chiquita Banana" song)

I am Carmen Miranda and I'm here to say
We have some special rights here in the USA
So Mister Policeman be good boy
Always read the Miranda Rights.

It is at this kind of guy we like to throw the book
You do not read these rights and then you free this crook
So Mister Policeman be good boy
Always read the Miranda Rights.

But Carmen – Do you not ever think?
But Carmen – Someone make me a drink.

You do not read the rights and let this jerk go free
And this is what Americans call liberty
So Mister Policeman be good boy
Always read the Miranda Rights.

In a weekend in Havana or down Argentine Way
We do not have these rights if you're a drook, you pay
So Mister Policeman be good boy
Always read the Miranda Rights.

But Carmen – how can you be so dumb
But Carmen – make a Coca-Cola and Rum

(spoken)
You know this is not the way I want the rights to be – no, no, no. I give Chief Justice different proposal! But Chief Justice Warren, he say he no like my proposal. My proposal go something like this:
You have the right to remain silent. If you give up the right to remain silent you can be forced to dance the merengue with Chita Rivera for three hours.
Ay ay ay. That Chief Justice Warren, he a fathead, no?

(spoken)
You know, down in Brazil, Where the bananas grow, we have a law very much like these rights. This law goes something list this: You have the right to retain legal counsel. If you cannot afford legal counsel, then tough luck, sucker!

But Carmen – you are such a ding dong
But Carmen – no, I finish this song!

I am Carmen Miranda and I'm here to say
We have some special rights here in the USA
So Mister Policeman be good boy
Always read the Miranda Rights.
Always read the Miranda Rights!

Thanks to Mike Salmanson '86 for providing lyrics.

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